-26-
John: Hello, darling… I’m home.
Anne: Hello, John. Are you tired, dear ?
John: Yes, I am. What time is it?
Anne: It’s six o’clock.
John: Oh… What’s on television tonight?
Anne: There’s good programme at quarter past eight… “Paul McCartney In Concert”.
John: Yes… and there’s a good film after the news.
Anne: Ooh… and “Mary in love” at the quarter to seven before “Police story”.
John: Oh, I can’t watch that! There’s a football match on ITV at half past six.
Anne: But, John, it’s my favourite programme!
John: Well, go and watch it at your mother’s!
***
-27-
Tom: Well… Tomorrow we’re going to leave this place!
Fred: Yes. What are you going to do first?
Tom: Hmm… first, I’m going to rent a big car, meet my girlfriend and take her to an expensive restaurant. We’re going to have steak and drink champagne. What about you, Fred?
Fred: My wife’s going to meet me outside the prison. Then we’re going to have tea with her mother.
Tom: With her mother! You’re joking!
Fred: No, I’m not. I’m going to work for my wife’s mother.
Tom: Really? You’re not going to work for your mother-in-law!
Fred: Yes. She’s got a little café in London.
Tom: What are you going to do there?
Fred: I’m going to wash up.
Tom: What! Wash up! I’m not going to work! I’m going to have a good time!
Fred: You’re lucky… I’m going to rob a bank next week.
Tom: Why?
Fred: Because I’m happy in prison!
***
-28-
- This is an English wedding. They’re standing on the steps outside the church. The bride is wearing a long white dress and is holding some blue flowers in her left hand. The groom is wearing a traditional morning suit and is holding a top hat in his right hand. They’re both smiling because they’re very happy.
- In a few minutes, they’re going to get into a Rolls-Royce and drive to a big hotel for the reception. At the reception they’re going to cut the cake and drink champagne. Then they’re going to open all their presents. Some people are going to make speeches and both of the mothers are going to cry.
- At three o’clock they’re going to leave the reception and drive to Heathrow Airport. They’re going to fly to Bermuda. They’re going to spend their honeymoon in a villa by the sea. They’re going to be happy forever and ever and have a lot of children.
***
-29-
Interviewer: Come in.
Mr. Bull: Ah, good afternoon. My name’s Bull…John Bull. I’m looking for a girlfriend.
Interviewer: Please, sit down, Mr. Bull. May I ask you some questions?
Mr. Bull: Oh, yes…what about?
Interviewer: Ah… music, for example… do you like music?
Mr. Bull: Yes, I do. I like classical music.
Interviewer: Do you like pop music?
Mr. Bull: No, I don’t… and I don’t like jazz.
Interviewer: How old are you, Mr. Bull?
Mr. Bull: What! I don’t like personal questions!
Interviewer: Oh, well… can you complete this form later, and send it by post!
***
-30-
Charles: Please marry me, Fiona. I want you, I need you, I love you.
Fiona: I’m sorry Charles, but I can’t.
Charles: Oh, Fiona. Why not?
Fiona: Well, Charles. I like you… I like you a lot…. but I don’t love you.
Charles: But, Fiona, love isn’t everything.
Fiona: Oh, Charles, you don’t understand… for me love is everything.
Charles: Do you love another man Fiona?
Fiona: Yes, Charles, I do … James.
Charles: Not James Milton!
Fiona: Yes, James Milton.
Charles: But he doesn’t want you. He’s engaged.
Fiona: I know.
Charles: But Fiona, James isn’t a rich man. I can give you everything. What do you want? Clothes? Money? Travel? A big house?
Fiona: No, Charles. I don’t want those things. I only want James.
***
