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MATRIX szövegkönyv - angolul (2/1) - (Ha magyarul láttad, akkor nem nehéz olvasmány ):o) )

2015.10.13. 17:14 aforizmágus

the_matrix_poster.jpg

T H E M A T R I X


Cypher:
Hear what?
Trinity: Are you sure this line is clean?
Cypher: Yeah, of course I'm sure.
Trinity: I better go.

(Hotel room)
Cop: Freeze, Police. Hands on your head. Do it. Do it now.

(Street)
Agent Smith: Lieutenant...
Lieutenant:
Oh shit.
Agent Smith: Lieutenant, you were given specific orders.
Lieutenant:
Hey, I'm just doing my job. You give me juris- my diction crap, you cancram it up your ass.
Agent Smith: Your orders were for your protection.
Lieutenant:
I think we can handle one little girl.... I sent two units. They're bringingher down now.
Agent Smith: No Lieutenant, your men are already dead.

(Hotel room)
Trinity: Morpheus, the line was traced, I don't know how.
Morpheus: I know, they cut the hard line. There's no time, you're going to have toget to another exit.
Trinity: Are there any agents?
Morpheus: Yes.
Trinity: God-dammit.
Morpheus: You have to focus, Trinity. There's a phone at Wells and Lake. Youcan make it.
Trinity: All right.
Morpheus: Go.

(Rooftop)Cop: That's impossible.

(Building)
Trinity: Get up Trinity. Just get up. Get up.

(Street)
Agent Brown: She got out.
Agent Smith: It doesn't matter.
Agent Jones:
The informant is real.
Agent Smith: Yes.
Agent Jones:
We have the name of their next target.
Agent Brown:
The name is Neo.
Agent Smith: We'll need a search running.
Agent Jones:
It has already begun.

(Neo's apartment)
Neo: What? What the hell?... Follow the white rabbit?... Who is it?
Choi:
It's Choi.
Neo: Yeah. Yeah. You're two hours late.
Choi:
I know, it's her fault.
Neo: Got the money?
Choi:
Two grand.
Neo: Hold on.
Choi:
Hallelujah. You're my savior, man. My own personal Jesus Christ.
Neo: You get caught using that...
Choi:
Yeah, I know. This never happened. You don't exist.
Neo: Right.
Choi:
Something wrong, man? You look a little whiter than usual.
Neo: My computer, it... You ever have that feeling where you're not sure if you'reawake or still dreaming?
Choi:
Mm, all the time. It's called Mescaline. It's the only way to fly. Hey, it just sounds to me like you need to unplug, man. You know, get some R and R. Whatdo you think, DuJour? Shall we take him with us?
DuJour:
Definitely.
Neo: I can't, I have work tomorrow.
DuJour:
Come on, It'll be fun. I promise.
Neo: Yeah, sure, I'll go.

(Club)
Trinity: Hello Neo.
Neo: How do you know that name?
Trinity: I know a lot about you.
Neo: Who are you?
Trinity: My name is Trinity.
Neo: Trinity. The Trinity? That cracked the IRS d-base?
Trinity: That was a long time ago.
Neo: Jesus.
Trinity: What?
Neo: I just thought, um...you were a guy.
Trinity: Most guys do.
Neo: It you on my computer. How did you do that?
Trinity: Right now all I can tell you is that you're in danger. I brought you here towarn you.
Neo: Of what?
Trinity: They're watching you, Neo.
Neo: Who is?
Trinity: Please just listen. I know why you're here, Neo. I know what you've beendoing. I know why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after nightyou sit at your computer. You're looking for him. I know, because I was oncelooking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn't reallylooking for him. I was looking for an answer. It's the question that drives us mad.It's the question that brought you here. You know the question just as I did.
Neo: What is the Matrix.
Trinity: The answer is out there, Neo. It's looking for you. And it will find you, ifyou want it to.

(Neo's apartment)
Neo: Oh shit. Oh shit shit.

(Office)
Mr. Rhineheart: You have a problem with authority, Mr. Anderson. You believethat you are special, that somehow the rules do not apply to you. Obviously you are mistaken. This company is one of the top software companies in the worldbecause every single employee understands that they are part of a whole. Thus ifan employee has a problem, the company has a problem. The time has come tomake a choice, Mr. Anderson. Either you choose to be at your desk on time fromthis day forward or you choose to find yourself another job. Do I make myselfclear?
Neo: Yes, Mr. Rhineheart, perfectly clear.
FedEx man:
Thomas Anderson?
Neo: Yeah, that's me.
FedEx man:
Ok, great. Have a nice day.
Neo: Hello.
Morpheus: Hello Neo. Do you know who this is?
Neo: Morpheus.
Morpheus: Yes. I've been looking for you, Neo. I don't know if you're ready to seewhat I want to show you, but unfortunately you and I have run out of time. They'recoming for you, Neo, and I don't know what they're going to do.
Neo: Who's coming for me?
Morpheus: Stand up and see for yourself.
Neo: What, right now.
Morpheus: Yes, now. Do it slowly. The elevator.
Neo: Oh shit.
Morpheus: Yes.
Neo: What the hell do they want from me?
Morpheus: I don't know, but if you don't want to find out I suggest you get out ofthere.
Neo: How?
Morpheus: I can guide you but you must do exactly as I say.
Neo: Ok.
Morpheus: The cubicle across from you is empty.
Neo: What if they...
Morpheus: Go, now...Stay here for just a moment. When I tell you, go to the endof the row, to the office at the end of the hall. Stay as low as you can.... Go,now.... Good. Now, outside there is a scaffold.
Neo: How do you know all this?
Morpheus: We don't have time, Neo. To your left there's a window. Go to it....Open it. You can use the scaffold to get to the roof.
Neo: No way. No way. This is crazy.
Morpheus: There are two ways out of this building. One is that scaffold, the otheris in their custody. You take a chance either w>Transfer interrupted!his is insane. Why is this happening to me? What did I do? I'm nobody.... Shit.... I can't do this.

(Street)
Trinity: Shit.

(Interrogation)
Agent Smith: As you can see, we've had our eye on you for some time now, Mr.Anderson. It seems that you've been living two lives. In one life, you're Thomas A.Anderson, program writer for a respectable software company, you have a socialsecurity number, you pay your taxes, and you help your landlady carry out hergarbage. The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the hacker aliasNeo and are guilty of virtually every computer crime we have a law for. One ofthese lives has a future, and one of them does not. I'm going to be as forthcomingas I can be, Mr. Anderson. You're here because we need your help. We knowthat you've been contacted by a certain individual, a man who calls himselfMorpheus. Now whatever you think you know about this man is irrelevant. He isconsidered by many authorities to be the most dangerous man alive. My colleaguesbelieve that I am wasting my time with you but I believe that you wish to do theright thing. We're willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start and all thatwe're asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice.
Neo: Yeah. Wow, that sound like a really good deal. But I think I got a better one.How about I give you the finger... and you give me my phone call.
Agent Smith: Um, Mr. Anderson. You disappoint me.
Neo: You can't scare me with this Gestapo crap. I know my rights. I want myphone call.
Agent Smith: Tell me, Mr. Anderson, what good is a phone call if you're unable tospeak.... You're going to help us, Mr. Anderson whether you want to or not.

(Neo's apartment)
Morpheus: This line is tapped, so I must be brief. They got to you first, but they'veunderestimated how important you are. If they knew what I know, you'd probablybe dead.
Neo: What are you talking about. What...what is happening to me?
Morpheus: You are the one, Neo. You see you may have spent the last few yearslooking for me, but I've spent my entire life looking for you. Now do you still wantto meet?
Neo: Yes.
Morpheus: Then go to the Adam Street Bridge.

(Car)
Trinity: Get in.
Neo: What the hell is this?
Trinity: It's necessary, Neo. For our protection.
Neo: From what.
Trinity: From you. Take off your shirt.
Neo: What?
Switch:
Stop the car. Listen to me, Copper-top. We don't have time for twentyquestions. Right now there's only one rule, our way or the highway.
Neo: Fine.
Trinity: Please, Neo. You have to trust me
Neo: Why?
Trinity: Because you have been down there, Neo. You know that road. You knowexactly where it ends. And I know that's not where you want to be.... Apoc, lights.Lie back, lift up your shirt.
Neo: What is that thing?
Trinity: We think you're bugged.... Try and relax.... Come on. Come on.
Switch:
It's on the move.
Trinity: Shit.
Switch:
You're going to loose it.
Trinity: No I'm not. Clear.
Neo: Jesus Christ, that thing's real?

(Lafayette Hotel)
Trinity: This is it. Let me give you one piece of advice. Be honest. He knows morethan you can imagine.
Morpheus: At last. Welcome, Neo. As you no doubt have guessed, I amMorpheus.
Neo: It's an honor to meet you.
Morpheus: No, the honor is mine. Please, come. Sit down. I imagine that right nowyou're feeling a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole? Hm?
Neo: You could say that.
Morpheus: I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who acceptswhat he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, this is not far fromthe truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
Morpheus: I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here.You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain. Butyou feel it. You've felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with theworld. You don't know what it is but it's there, like a splinter in your mind drivingyou mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Neo: The Matrix?
Morpheus: Do you want to know what IT is? The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us, even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work,when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage, born into a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison for your mind.... Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this there is no turning back.You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.... Remember, all I'm offering is the truth, nothing more.... Follow me.... Apoc, are we online?
Apoc:
Almost.
Morpheus: Time is always against us. Please, take a seat there.
Neo: You did all this?
Trinity: Uh-huh.
Morpheus: The pill you took is part of a trace program. It's designed to disrupt yourinput/output carrier signal so we can pinpoint your location.
Neo: What does that mean?
Cypher:
It means buckle your seat belt, Dorothy, because Kansas is goingbye-bye.
Neo: Did you...
Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real.What if you were unable to wake from that dream. How would you know thedifference between the dream world and the real world?
Neo: This can't be...
Morpheus: Be what? Be real?
Trinity: It's going into replication.
Morpheus: Apoc?
Apoc:
Still nothing.
Neo: It's cold. It's cold.
Morpheus: Tank, we're going to need a signal soon.
Trinity: We've got fibrillation.
Morpheus: Apoc, location.
Apoc:
Targeting almost there.
Trinity: It's going into arrest.
Apoc:
Lock, I've got him.
Morpheus: Now, Tank. Now.

(Nebuchadnezzar)
Morpheus: Welcome to the real world. We've done it, Trinity. We've found him.
Trinity: I hope you're right.
Morpheus: I don't have to hope. I know it.
Neo: Am I dead?
Morpheus: Far from it.
Dozer: He still needs a lot of work.
Neo: What are you doing.
Morpheus: Your muscles have atrophied, we're rebuilding them.
Neo: Why do my eyes hurt?
Morpheus: You've never used them before. Rest, Neo. The answers are coming.
Neo: Morpheus, what's happened to me? What is this place?
Morpheus: More important than what is when.
Neo: When?
Morpheus: You believe it's the year 1999 when in fact it's closer to 2199. I can'ttell you exactly what year it is because we honestly don't know. There's nothing Ican say that will explain it for you, Neo. Come with me. See for yourself. This ismy ship, the Nebuchadnezzar. It's a hovercraft. This is the main deck. This is thecore where we broadcast our pirate signal and hack into the Matrix. Most of mycrew you already know. This is Apoc, Switch, and Cypher.
Cypher: Hi.
Morpheus: The one's you don't know, Tank and his big brother, Dozer. The littleone behind you is Mouse. You wanted to know what the Matrix is Neo? Trinity....Try to relax. This will feel a weird.

(Construct)
Morpheus: This is the construct. It's our loading program. We can load anythingfrom clothing, to equipment, weapons, training simulations, anything we need.
Neo: Right now we're inside a computer program?
Morpheus: Is it really so hard to believe? Your clothes are different. The plugs inyour arms and head are gone. Your hair is changed. Your appearance now is whatwe call residual self image. It is the mental projection of your digital self.
Neo: This...this isn't real?
Morpheus: What is real. How do you define real? If you're talking about what youcan feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simplyelectrical signals interpreted by your brain. This is the world that you know. Theworld as it was at the end of the twentieth century. It exists now only as part of a neural-interactive simulation that we call the Matrix. You've been living in a dreamworld, Neo. This is the world as it exists today.... Welcome to the Desert of theReal. We have only bits and pieces of information but what we know for certain isthat at some point in the early twenty-first century all of mankind was united incelebration. We marveled at our own magnificence as we gave birth to AI.
Neo: AI? You mean artificial intelligence?
Morpheus: A singular consciousness that spawned an entire race of machines. Wedon't know who struck first, us or them. But we know that it was us that scorchedthe sky. At the time they were dependent on solar power and it was believed thatthey would be unable to survive without an energy source as abundant as the sun.Throughout human history, we have been dependent on machines to survive. Fateit seems is not without a sense of irony. The human body generates morebio-electricity than a 120-volt battery and over 25,000 BTU's of body heat.Combined with a form of fusion the machines have found all the energy theywould ever need. There are fields, endless fields, where human beings are nolonger born, we are grown. For the longest time I wouldn't believe it, and then Isaw the fields with my own eyes. Watch them liquefy the dead so they could befed intravenously to the living. And standing there, facing the pure horrifyingprecision, I came to realize the obviousness of the truth. What is the Matrix?Control. The Matrix is a computer generated dream world built to keep us undercontrol in order to change a human being into this.
Neo: No. I don't believe it. It's not possible.
Morpheus: I didn't say it would be easy, Neo. I just said it would be the truth.
Neo: Stop. Let me out. Let me out. I want out.

(Nebuchadnezzar)
Trinity: Easy, Neo. Easy.
Neo: Take this thing off me. Take this thing...
Morpheus: Listen to me...
Neo: Don't touch me. Stay away from me. I don't want it. I don't believe it. I don'tbelieve it.
Cypher:
He's gonna pop.
Morpheus: Breathe, Neo. Just breathe.
Neo: I can't go back, can I?
Morpheus: No. But if you could, would you really want to? I feel I owe you anapology. We have a rule. We never free a mind once it's reached a certain age.It's dangerous, the mind has trouble letting go. I've seen it before and I'm sorry. Idid what I did because...I had to. When the Matrix was first built, there was a manborn inside who had the ability to change whatever he wanted, to remake theMatrix as he saw fit. It was he who freed the first of us, taught us the truth. Aslong as the Matrix exists the human race will never be free. After he died theOracle prophesied his return and that his coming would hail the destruction of theMatrix and the war, bring freedom to our people. That is why there are those of uswho have spent our entire lives searching the Matrix looking for him. I did what Idid because I believe that search is over.... Get some rest, you're going to need it.
Neo: For what?
Morpheus: Your training.

Tank: Morning, did you sleep? You will tonight, I guarantee it. I'm Tank, I'll beyour operator.
Neo: You don't...you don't have any...
Tank: Holes? Nope. Me and my brother, Dozer, we're both one hundred percentpure, old fashioned, home grown human, born free right here in the real world. Agenuine child of Zion.
Neo: Zion?
Tank: If the war was over tomorrow, Zion is where the party would be.
Neo: It's a city?
Tank: The last human city. The only place we have left.
Neo: Where is it?
Tank: Deep underground, near the earth's core where it's still warm. Live longenough you might even see it. God-damn, I...I got to tell you, I'm fairly excited tosee what you're capable of, if Morpheus is right and all...I'm not supposed to talkabout this, but if you are...a very exciting time. We got a lot to do. We got to get toit.... Now, we're supposed to start with these operation programs first, that's amajor boring shit. Let's do something more fun. How about combat training.
Neo: Jujitsu? I'm going to learn Jujitsu?... Holy shit.
Tank: Hey Mikey, I think he likes it. How about some more?
Neo: Hell yes. Hell yeah.
Morpheus: How is he?
Tank: Ten hours straight. He's a machine.
Neo: I know Kung Fu.
Morpheus: Show me.

(Construct)
Morpheus: This is a sparring program, similar to the programmed reality of the Matrix. It has the same basic rules, rules like gravity. What you must learn is that these rules are no different that the rules of a computer system. Some of them can be bent. Others can be broken. Understand? Then hit me if you can.... Good.Adaptation, improvisation. But your weakness is not your technique.

(Nebuchadnezzar)
Mouse: Morpheus is fighting Neo.

(Construct)
Morpheus: How did I beat you?
Neo: You're too fast.
Morpheus: Do you believe that my being stronger or faster has anything to do with my muscles in this place? You think that's air you're breathing now?... Again.

(Nebuchadnezzar)
Mouse: Jesus Christ, he's fast. Take a look at his neural-kinetics, they're way above normal.

(Construct)
Morpheus: What are you waiting for? You're faster than this. Don't think you are, know you are.... Come on. Stop trying to hit me and hit me.

(Nebuchadnezzar)
Mouse: I don't believe it.

(Construct)
Neo: I know what you're trying to do.
Morpheus: I'm trying to free your mind, Neo, but I can only show you the door,you're the one that has to walk through it. Tank, load the jump program.... Youhave to let it all go, Neo, fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind.
Neo: Whoa. Okie dokie. Free my mind.

(Nebuchadnezzar)
Mouse: So what if he makes it?
Apoc:
No one's ever made the first jump.
Mouse:
I know, I know. But what if he does?
Apoc:
He won't.
Mouse:
Come on.
Trinity: Come on.

(Construct)
Neo: All right, no problem. Free my mind. Free my mind. All right.

(Nebuchadnezzar)
Mouse: Wha...what does that mean?
Switch:
It doesn't mean anything.
Cypher:
Everybody falls the first time. Right, Trin?

(Nebuchadnezzar)
Neo: I thought it wasn't real.
Morpheus: Your mind makes it real.
Neo: If you're killed in the Matrix, you die here?
Morpheus: Your body cannot live without the mind.
Cypher:
I don't remember you bringing me dinner. There is something about him,isn't there?
Trinity: Don't tell me you're a believer now?
Cypher:
I just keep wondering, if Morpheus is so sure, why doesn't he take him tosee the Oracle?
Trinity: Morpheus will take him when he's ready.

(Construct)
Morpheus: The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around. What do you see. Business men, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system, and that makes them our enemy. Youhave to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And manyof them are so inert, so hopelessly dependent on the system that they will fight toprotect it. Were you listening to me Neo, or were you looking at the woman in thered dress?
Neo: I was...
Morpheus: Look again. Freeze it.
Neo: This...this isn't the Matrix?
Morpheus: No. It's another training program designed to teach you one thing. If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
Neo: What are they?
Morpheus: Sentient programs. They can move in and out of any software still hardwired to their system. That means that anyone we haven't unplugged is potentiallyan agent. Inside the Matrix, they are everyone and they are no one. We aresurvived by hiding from them, by running from them. But they are the gatekeepers.They are guarding all the doors. They are holding all the keys, which means thatsooner or later, someone is going to have to fight them.
Neo: Someone?
Morpheus: I won't lie to you, Neo. Every single man or woman who has stood theirground, everyone who has fought an agent has died. But where they have failed,you will succeed.
Neo: Why?
Morpheus: I've seen an agent punch through a concrete wall. Men have emptiedentire clips at them and hit nothing but air. Yet their strength and their speed arestill based in a world that is built on rules. Because of that, they will never be asstrong or as fast as you can be.
Neo: What are you trying to tell me, that I can dodge bullets?
Morpheus: No Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't haveto.

(Nebuchadnezzar)
Tank: We've got trouble.
Morpheus: Did Zion send word?
Dozer: No, another ship. Shit. Squiddies. We've been in crick.
Neo: Squiddy?
Trinity: A sentinel. A killing machine designed for one thing.
Dozer: Search and destroy.
Morpheus: Set her down right over there.... How're we doing, Tank?
Tank: Power off line. EMP armed and ready.
Neo: EMP?
Trinity: Electromagnetic pulse. Disables any electrical system in the blast radius.It's the only weapon we have against the machines.
Neo: Where are we?
Trinity: There old service and waste systems.
Neo: Sewers?
Trinity: They used to be cities that spanned hundreds of miles. Now these sewersare all that's left of them.
Morpheus: Quiet.
Cypher:
Whoa, Neo. You scared the bejeezus out of me.
Neo: Sorry.
Cypher:
It's okay.
Neo: Is that...
Cypher:
The Matrix? Yeah.
Neo: Do you always look at it encoded?
Cypher:
Well you have to. The image translators work for the construct program.But there's way too much information to decode the Matrix. You get used to it.I...I don't even see the code. All I see is blonde, brunette, red-head. Hey, you a...want a drink?
Neo: Sure
Cypher:
You know, I know what you're thinking, because right now I'm thinkingthe same thing. Actually, I've been thinking it ever since I got here. Why, oh whydidn't I take the blue pill?... Good shit, huh. Dozer makes it. It's good for twothings, degreasing engines and killing brain cells. So, can I ask you something? Didhe tell you why he did it, why you're here? Jesus. What a mind job. So you're here to save the world. What do you say to something like that? A little piece of advice.You see an agent, you do what we do. Run. Run your ass off.
Neo: Thanks for the drink.
Cypher: Sweet dreams.

***

(to be continued here)

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Címkék: angol reading középfok Matrix script

Monty Python FC 5. - Bolond állásinterjú (Silly job interview) (video+script)

2015.10.13. 13:03 aforizmágus

(Scene: An interview room.)

Interviewer (John Cleese): You know I really enjoy interviewing applicants for this management training course. (knock at door) Come in. (Stig enters) Ah. Come and sit down.

Stig (Graham Chapman): Thank you. (he sits)

Interviewer: (stares at him and starts writing) Would you mind just standing up again for one moment. (stands up) Take a seat.

Stig: I'm sorry.

Interviewer: Take a seat. (Stig does so) Ah! (writes again) Good morning.

Stig: Good morning.

Interviewer: Good morning.

Stig: Good morning.

Interviewer: (writes) Tell me why did you say 'good morning' when you know perfectly well that it's afternoon?

Stig: Well, well, you said 'good morning'. Ha, ha.

Interviewer: (shakes head) Good afternoon.

Stig: Ah, good afternoon.

Interviewer: Oh dear. (writes again) Good evening.

Stig: Goodbye?

Interviewer: Ha, ha. No. (rings small hand-bell) Aren't you going to ask me why I rang the bell? (rings bell again)

Stig: Er why did you ring the bell?

Interviewer: Why do you think I rang the bell? (shouts) Five, four, three, two, one, zero!

Stig: Well, I, I...

Interviewer: Too late! (singing and ringing bell) Goodnight, ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Goodnight. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding.

Stig: Um. Oh this is, is the interview for the management training course is it?

Interviewer: (Rings bell) Yes. Yes it is. Goodnight. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Stig: Oh dear, I don't think I'm doing very well.

Interviewer: Why do you say that?

Stig: Well I don't know.

Interviewer: Do you say it because you didn't know?

Stig: Well. I, I, I, I don't know.

Interviewer: Five, four, three, two, one, zero! Right! (makes face and strange noise,)

Stig: I'm sorry, I'm confused.

Interviewer: Well why do you think I did that then?

Stig: Well I don't know.

Interviewer: Aren't you curious?

Stig: Well yes.

Interviewer: Well, why didn't you ask me?

Stig: Well...I...er...

Interviewer: Name?

Stig: What?

Interviewer: Your name man, your name!

Stig: Um, er David.

Interviewer: David. Sure?

Stig: Oh yes.

Interviewer: (writing) David Shaw.

Stig: No, no Thomas.

Interviewer: Thomas Shaw?

Stig: No, no, David Thomas.

Interviewer: (long look, rings bell) Goodnight. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding- ding-ding-ding. Goodnight. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding.

Stig: Oh dear we're back to that again. I don't know what to do when you do that.

Interviewer: Well do something. Goodnight. Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding, five, four, three, two, one . . .(Stig pulls face and makes noise) Good!

Stig: Good?

Interviewer: Very good - do it again. (Stig pulls face and makes noise) Very good indeed, quite outstanding. Ah right. (calls through door) Ready now. (four people come in and line up by desk) Right, once more. (rings bell) Goodnight, ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding.

(Stig very cautiously pulls face and makes noise. Interviewer rings bell again. Suddenly the four men all hold up points cards like diving or skating judges.)

Stig: What's going on? What's going on?

Interviewer: You got very good marks.

Stig: (hysterically) Well I don't care, I want to know what's going on! I think you're deliberately trying to humiliate people, and I'm going straight out of here and I'm going to tell the police exactly what you do to people and I'm going to make bloody sure that you never do this again. There, what do you think of that? What do you think of that?

(The judges give him very high marks.)

Interviewer: Very good marks.

Stig: Oh, oh well, do I get the job?

Interviewer: Er, well, I'm afraid not. I'm afraid all the vacancies were filled several weeks ago.

(They fall about laughing.)

(Cut to man sitting at desk.)

Career Advisor (Michael Palin: Well that was all good fun, and we all had a jolly good laugh, but I would like to assure you that you'd never be treated like that if you had an interview here at the Careers Advisory Board. Perhaps I should introduce myself. I am the Head of the Careers Advisory Board. I wanted to be a doctor, but there we are, I'm Head of the Careers Advisory Board. (emotionally) Or a sculptor, something artistic, or an engineer, with all those dams, but there we are, it's no use crying over split milk, the facts are there and that's that. I'm the Head of this lousy Board. (he weeps, then recovers) Never mind, now I wonder if you've ever considered what a very profitable line of work this man is in.

(Cut to front door of a flat. Man walks up to the door and rings bell. He is dressed smartly.)

 

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Címkék: video humor angol listening

Gyakori kérdések, amikre tudnunk kellene válaszolni angolul (v. idegen nyelven)

2015.10.13. 10:33 aforizmágus

ABOUT YOU

  1. What`s your name?
  2. Where do you live?
  3. Do you live near here?
  4. Where do you come from?
  5. What do you do?
  6. Tell us about your work or studies.
  7. What are you studying?
  8. What is your favourite way to relax?
  9. What are your plans for the immediate future?
  10. What would your ideal job be? Why?

 

ABOUT YOUR FAMILY

  1. Do you have a large family?
  2. Do you come from a large or small family?
  3. How many brothers and sisters do you have?
  4. Do you have any siblings?
  5. Tell us how you get on with them.
  6. Do you still live with your family?
  7. What family members do you live with?
  8. What activities do you like doing with your family?
  9. Does your family like spending time together? Why?
  10. Is there somebody in your family that gives you good advice?

 

ABOUT YOUR HOME

  1. Do you live in a house or in a flat? Tell me something about it.
  2. How many rooms does your current accommodation have?
  3. What is your apartment like?
  4. Could you describe your room?
  5. Is your house old or new? Tell us about it.
  6. Do you like staying home at weekends? Why?
  7. What do you like about living there?
  8. Do you like the neighbourhood where you live? Why?
  9. Which room in your house is the best one to study? Why?
  10. Is there a park or a green area near your home? How often do you go there?

 

ABOUT YOUR HOMETOWN.

  1. What`s your home town called? Where`s it?
  2. How long have you lived there?
  3. Do you like living there?
  4. How much do you like the area you live in? Are there any drawbacks to living there?
  5. Is there anything you dislike about your home town?
  6. Is pollution a problem?
  7. Is there much crime in your home town?
  8. Does your family still live there?
  9. Do you think the place has changed much since you were young?
  10. Do you think you`ll always live in this part of the world? Where else would you like to live?

 

ABOUT SCHOOL / WORK

  1. Do you work or do you study?
  2. What do you enjoy most about the work or study you are doing at the moment?
  3. Are you currently studying?
  4. Do you have to travel a long way to get to school / work?
  5. What type of work would you like to do in the future?
  6. What`s your favourite subject?
  7. Where did you first learn English?
  8. Are you planning to do any exams in the near future?
  9. What do you find difficult about learning English?
  10. Do you think it would be a good idea to work in another country for a short time? Why?

 

EVERYDAY LIFE

  1. Are you a very busy person? What keeps you busy?
  2. Tell us about a daily activity that you particularly enjoy.
  3. Do you think it`s good to have a daily routine? Why?
  4. Do you have to get up early every day?
  5. What time do you go to bed?
  6. How do you get to school every day?
  7. How long does it take you?
  8. Who do you live with? Tell us about them.
  9. Do you usually have a large or a small breakfast? Why?
  10. Do you help with the housework at home? What do you do?
  11. What do you usually do when you come back from school / work?
  12. What is your favourite season? Why?
  13. Do you like doing housework? Why?
  14. What is the best time of day for you to study? Why?

 

EATING AND DRINKING

  1. What is your favourite food and your favourite drink? What is your favourite dessert?
  2. What do you have for breakfast?
  3. What is more important for you, lunch or dinner?
  4. Have you been to a restaurant lately? Tell us about it.
  5. Do you like cooking? Why?
  6. What dishes do you cook?
  7. Do you prefer eating vegetables or meat? Why?
  8. Do you ever buy take-away food? How good is it?
  9. Do you like eating fast food? Why?
  10. Have you ever tried typical food from another country? How did you like it?

 

ABOUT LEARNING ENGLISH

  1. How long have you been learning English?
  2. How well do you think English is taught in this country?
  3. Why do you want to pass this examination?
  4. Would you like to learn another language? Why?
  5. Do you think you will use your English in the future? How?
  6. How useful will English be in your chosen career?
  7. What do you think you`ll be doing this time next year?
  8. Have you got any plans for when you finish school / university?
  9. What would be your ideal job? Why?
  10. What other skills would you like to learn in the future?

 

FREE TIME

  1. Have you got a hobby?
  2. Do you prefer to spend time on your own or with other people? Why?
  3. What kind of music do you like? Why do you enjoy it?
  4. Do you go out with friends in your free time? Where do you go?
  5. Do you like walking or riding a bike in the countryside? How often do you do it?
  6. Has your choice of free time activities changed over the years? In what way?
  7. Do you like going to the cinema? (Tell us about a film you`ve seen recently.)
  8. Do you like reading newspapers and magazines?
  9. What do you like reading when you want to relax?
  10. What kind of television programmes do you like best?
  11. How often do you meet your friends for a chat?
  12. How do you keep in touch with friends who don`t live near you?
  13. Do you ever go to concerts? Tell us about the last one you went to.
  14. Do you like playing computer games? Tell us about the one you like most.
  15. Can you sing or play an instrument? Who taught you how to do it?

 

HOLIDAYS AND TRAVEL

  1. How do you spend your leisure time?
  2. How often do you go on holiday?
  3. Do you like travelling to other countries? Which ones have you been to?
  4. What country would you like to visit in the future?
  5. Do you like camping holidays? Why?
  6. What activities do you like to do when you are on holiday?
  7. How do you prefer to travel when you go on holiday?
  8. What do you enjoy doing when you`re on holiday?
  9. Could you tell us about your last holiday?
  10. When do people in your country take holidays?
  11. What area of the country would you recommend to tourists?
  12. What form of transport do you use most frequently?

 

HEALTH AND SPORT

  1. Do you like sports? Which ones?
  2. Have you ever taken part in a sports competition? Tell us about it.
  3. Are you a member of a sports club? How often do you go there?
  4. Do you think it is important to keep fit? Why?
  5. How much exercise do you do every day?
  6. Do you prefer playing or watching sports? Why?
  7. Is eating healthy food important to you?
  8. What is your favourite food?
  9. Did you play any sport when you were a child? How good were you?
  10. Is there a sport that you would really like to learn? How difficult would it be?
  11. 123.Have you ever been to a gym? Did you like it?
  12. Who is your favourite sports personality? Why?
  13. Have you been ill recently? Can you tell us about your recent illness?

 

CELEBRATIONS

  1. What special occasions have you celebrated recently?
  2. Do you like big parties? Why?
  3. How do you celebrate the New Year?
  4. What presents do you like to give and to receive?
  5. What do you usually do on your birthday? Who do you spend it with?

 

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Címkék: angol angol tananyag fogalmazás középfok kérdés képzés érettségi középszint tanfolyam tananyag

Speak English Like An American (COURSE with textbook and audio)

2015.10.13. 00:16 aforizmágus

A teljes sorozat hanganyaga (feliratozva) itt található folyamatos lejátszással:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLgNmqz5NX-HUsb1MvtFGpuG4P6PGJuvKz

A sorozathoz tartozó könyv itt olvasható, görgethető könyv formátumban:

https://www.slideshare.net/ssiliveri/speak-english-like-an-american-book-audio-cd-set?related=5

 

1 komment

Címkék: video angol angol tananyag listening hasznos linkek felsőfok gyakorló szöveg

How to learn any language in six months - Chris Lonsdale (video & subtitle)

2015.10.11. 23:54 aforizmágus

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Címkék: video nyelvtanulás angol listening felsőfok

Extra - Sitcom for Beginners -4- (video with subtitles & srcipt)

2015.10.11. 23:45 aforizmágus

-4-

 

- Job: stuntman. Age 20. 20? No. 30, more mature. Age, 30.
- Ow-ow!!
- Where’s the fire …
- It’s the smoke detector!
- I know that! Where’s the broom?! Oh good, it’s stopped.
- I think this was the problem. Anyone for very hard boiled eggs?
- Nick.
- Eh?
- Are they your eggs?
- Eh?
- I thought so! What on earth are you doing? Are you crazy?!
- Oh, are my eggs ready?
- Oh, your eggs, Hector.
- Hector’s eggs, Bridget. Is he cr-azy?!
- Hector. The eggs are, erm, ruined. Perhaps some cornflakes instead?
- Thank you, Bridget.
- Huh, perhaps some cornflakes instead?!
- What are you doing on our computer anyway?
- Nothing!
- Let’s just say girls, one day you will say ‘Brad Pitt – urgh!! Pah!! Johnny Depp – urgh!! Pah!! Nick from next door – vroom-vroom-vroom!! The coolest stunt man in the world!
- Oh, you a stunt man!!
- Yep. I got the job on the Internet. Well, nearly. I’m waiting for confirmation.
- Oh, how exciting!
- The coolest stunt man n the world - on a moped, right?
- On a Harley-Davidson, actually.

- Films! Those stars! That money! Oh! Oh! Have you seen Carina’s dress in the magazine? I’d love to have a dress like that.
- Mmm, me too. It would really suit me.
- How much is it?
- Oh, let’s see. Erm …
- How much?
- Oh, I’m a student, it’s too expensive for me!
- I’ve got a job and it’s too expensive for me! We need more money.
- Money? Bridget, Annie, I have something to tell you.
- Hector, don’t! It’s a secret! --- The Romero family, one of the richest families in Argentina. Keep it a secret. Sssh.
- Uh?
- Sssh!
- What’s a secret?
- You have been very kind.
- Yes, Hector.
- Ha-ha, ha-ha! I’m sure Bridget and Annie have a little money! Ha-ha!
- Sssh! Nick!!
- So I want to, I want to give you some money.
- Yes!
- So, I am going – to look for a job.
- Oh … that’s  a great idea, Hector.
- Gr-eat!!
- Yeah, we can look for a job on the Internet, can’t we.

- OK, here we are, job vacancies.

- Well, let’s see.
- Oh well, there’s a job in a launderette.
- Hector!
- No!.
- And there’s a job as a gardener.
- My plant!
- No!
- And here’s a job as a cook.
- No.
- Wait a minute! Look at this. A waiter!
- What a great idea!
- Yes! Ooh, I love good looking waiters!
- Did you say ‘good looking’? Here I am.
- What about Hector as a waiter?
- A waiter?
- Yeah, you know
- Oh, but I don’t know how.
- Oh, don’t worry.I will teach you!

- Hello! Howard! How are you?!! Oh, thank you Howard! Me? Dinner tonight! Seven o'clock – at the Singing Parrot Café, OK Howard! Bye Howard! That was Howard.
- No!
- He’s invited me to dinner tonight, because he wants to – talk to me about a NEW JOB!

- Who is Howard?
- Bridget’s boss.
- Ah, he is so rich, he’s so clever and he wants to see me!! He might offer me a promotion! What shall I wear? I have nothing to wear! No, wrong!
- Huh!
- So last season.
- Bet Howard can’t ride a motorbike.
- Nope!
- He does give Bridget promotion, although I have heard – Howard has a nickname!
- What was I thinking?!
- What?
- An octopus!
- An octopus?!
- Oh, the octopus!
- Is he meeting her alone?
- Yes. No, no! Bridget needs help!
- We must stop her!
- I have an idea. Why don’t you eat here?
- No!
- Yes, then we can both talk to your boss about your new job!
- Where, here? No, no way.
- I could cook for you!
- Huh! Definitely not, no!
- And I could be your waiter!
- Mmm.
- I want  to be your waiter.
- Yeah, OK then, but be serious!
- But don’t worry, we will help you get your promotion. Leave it to us!

- ‘Nadia. Hector wants a job.’
- I am going – to look for a job.
- ‘But it’s difficult. What can he do? He can’t work in a launderette and he can’t work as a gardener.’
- My plant!
- Hmm. ‘He can’t work as a cook, but then we saw the job for Hector, a waiter.’
- A waiter?
- Yeah you know. And Bridget’s boss, Howard wants to take her out to dinner tonight. I wonder why?’

- OK, Hector, you are the waiter, so you must set the table.
- Yes, I have set the table, but there is one problem.
- A problem?
- The table is too small.
- The table is too small?
- Yes, look.
- Hector, this is set for twelve courses!
- Dinner at home is always like this.
- Oh yes! You are a million…  You are a millionaire. This is just a little dinner for Bridget’s boss – OK?
- OK.
- OK. I am a customer!
- Where would you like to sit?
- Hmm. Here.
- Oh, I … … … The bill.
- Not yet! The menu first!
- Oh, sorry, erm … The menu.
- Forget the menu. What have you got today?
- To eat?
- To eat.
- Today, as dish of the day, I have a delicious hot cat.
- A hot cat?! That’s a hot dog.
- Ah! Hot cat, hot dog!… Cat, hot …
- Oh no!

- Oh, how’s it going?
- Great!
- Nick is a good teacher.
- Let’s see.
- Ah-ah, Hector’s café is now closed.
- Oh!!
- I’ll get it.
-Delivery, Miss Evans and Miss Taylor.
- Oh, Thank you! Bridget, look!
- Oh!
- ‘For lovely Annie from H.’
- For beautiful Bridget from H. Who’s H?
- Oh, it must be Howard! Oh, what is it!
- Oh, Bridget! Look, it’s Carina’s dress! But how did he guess?!
- Oh, he’s a clever man! Anyway, it’s not Carina’s dress now, it’s Bridget’s dress! Oh, thank you Howard!
- Oh Bridget, isn’t your boss kind! But, why did he buy me one?
- Oh, I’ve told him all about you!

- ‘Chrissy, Howard, my boss is coming to dinner!’
- Me, dinner, tonight! ‘He wants to talk to me about a new job. I’m so excited.’
- He’s so clever and he wants to see me! ‘He even sent me a dress!’
- Thank you Howard! Ah!

- His nickname is The Octopus.
- The octopus!
- Ugh! ‘Anyway -  Hector and I will prepare and serve a good dinner this evening.’
- We will help you get your promotion.

- Wow!
- OK, Nick?!
- Yeah. Hot. The soup, hot.
- Ah-ah-ah-ah. The soup is  hot.
- Thank you Hector.
- He’s here. Good evening Howard.
- Ah Bridget, my princess!
- Please come in.
- Bridget, you look divine. Oh, this must be Annie. Are you sisters? Such beauty!
- The dresses are exquisite!
- Oh
-  Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Don’t thank me, it’s a privilege!
- Oh and this of course is Nick.
- Hi.
- And this is Hector. He’s from Argentina.
- Hello.
- Argentina. Do you have a cow?
- Two million!
- What?
- My parents own two million cows.
- Ah yes, thank you Hector. Hector’s English is a little …
- Weird! Never mind, Hector.
- So Bridget, what a beautiful apartment, for a beautiful lady.

- Dinner is served!
- Hector, go on!
- Today, we have sick pea soup.
- Mmm, sick pea soup, my favourite!
- Chick pea, chick pea!
- Chick pea soup.
- This guy is great! Where did you find him?! Sick pea soup! Mind you, it does look like – ugh! Sorry Nick!
- Main course. Teeth casserole.
- Teeth casserole?
- Beef, beef.
- Oh sorry, beef casserole!
- I bet the beef is as hard as teeth!
- A dinner with bite! Oh! Sorry, Nick! So Bridget, you would like a better job?
- Well Howard, I, I …
- Are you willing to work harder,  hah?
- You stupid idiot!
- Sorry, erm … !
- And Bridget, with your good looks …
- What a creep!
- Ay! It’s cold! Hector! I want hot coffee!
- He wants hot coffee.
- Then he will have hot coffee!

- So – by the age of twenty I had fifty people working for me.
- Fascinating!

- My father said, if you want more money, you must work hard! Ay! You have poisoned me! You fool, you stupid boy!
- Stupid!
- Don’t you dare talk to my friend Hector like that!
- Oh, what is he? Is he your boyfriend or something?!
- He is – A kind and clever and lovely man, which is something that you will never, ever be! So you can keep your job, you creep!
- And we’ll send you back the dresses!
- What dresses?
- Oh, these dresses, the ones you bought Annie and me!
- I did not buy those dresses. I would not spend money on you! Hah!
- Goodbye Howard!
- You’ve lost your job!
- Well too late, I quit!!

- Howard said he did not buy the dresses. So who did?
- If ‘H’ isn’t for Howard?
- Then ‘H’ is for Hector!
- You, but why did you buy the dresses?
- To say thank you.
- But they’re so expensive. Where did you get the money?
- I… found it.
- Well, these expensive dresses must go back to the shop.
- Yes they must! But not until tomorrow.
- That’s right, let’s go clubbing! Come on, Nick! Hector!
- See you later, boys!

- Hector, you are a true, true friend. Money is not everything. So, what did you buy me?
- What do you think?
- I love you, I love you!
- Hmm! One moment.
- You didn’t buy me a bike, you didn’t buy me a bike, you didn’t buy me a bike. You didn’t buy me a bike.
- OK!
- Thanks, Hector. It’s really, really …
- It’s OK Nick.
- Hop on, I’ll give you a lift.
- Hey …
- Hey, so do you still want to be a waiter?
- No, I want to be like you, Nick, a stuntman!
- Aaah!!

Next time in EXTRA! Nick gets a job on TV. Annie loves watching TV. And why does Hector want to learn to cook? EXTRA – don’t miss it!

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Címkék: video angol angol tananyag listening alapfok gyakorló szöveg extra sitcom

Klasszikus angol humor a Holló Színház és Mr. Bean előadásában (videók)

2015.10.11. 02:01 aforizmágus

VÉGZETES VERÉS - A Holló Színház előadásában

*** *** ***

Rowan Atkinson Live - Fatal beatings

 

 

 

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Címkék: video fordítás humor felsőfok

Extra - Sitcom for Beginners -3- (video with subtitles & srcipt)

2015.10.10. 01:39 aforizmágus

This is the story of two girls who share a flat in London. They have a visitor from Argentina who can't speak English very well, who has no style, and who can't do the shopping. But he is very, very handsome. Stand by for Extra.

Dear dream date. My name is Annie! I'm 19 and I love animals, and… and… and I love chocolate. Chocolate ice cream, chocolate cake, boxes of chocolate, chocolate mousse…
- What are you doing, Annie?
- Nothing!
- What's this? 'Dream date, make my dream come true!'
- Oh, how did that get there?
- How sweet!

Let's go. Look left. Right. One, two, three, four, left.
- Hector!
And right.
- Hector.
- Oh, hi, Bridget.
- And up…
- And up!
And up…and down…
- Oh, well, keep going, Hector.
- Oh, I see Hector found Cindy's 101 Top Exercises, then.
- Yes!
- Oh, good try, Hector.
- But Cindy is so old- fashioned, I can teach Hector how to exercise! Exercise with Cindy, no. Exercise with Bridget, yes!
- But…!
- It's OK, I can do it! Music, please, Annie. Follow me. Arms up, touch your toes, stand straight and… one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight! More energy, please! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight…

- OK, faster still! Left leg up! Left leg up!
- Left leg up!
- Oh, my leg hurts!
- Come on, keep up! Come on, faster! Come on! Come on! Faster!
- Oh, hi, Nick. We're exercising.
- I can see.
- Phew, OK. Let's get a drink!
- Oh, I must check my emails.
- Would you like some water, Hector?
- Oh, no, no. No, after you.
- No, you first.
- Oh, no, no, no. Ladies first.
- No, no, you first.
- No, you first.
- Oh, give it to me!

- Oh, goody! Three messages.
- Oh, dear.
- What's wrong?
- Annie's been on the Internet… again!
- The Internet?
- To find a boyfriend!
- Oh, let's see!
- Oh, no. Don't look.
- Oh, come on, Annie!
- Oh, all right, then.
- 'Annie baby! Rocky the tennis star here! I am the racket - will you be my ball?'
- OK, number two.
- Mmm. Erm… 'Dear Annie! I love animals too.' Mmm. 'They are so beautiful in their glass boxes.' 'Come and see them. Tony Green (Taxidermist).'
- A taxidermist! Ooh, how horrible!
- Oh, Charlie! Here, boy!
- It's OK, Charlie.
- Annie, what is a taxidermist?
- Erm, well, it's… It's a… Ah… Oh, never mind.
- Third time lucky.
- Hope so.
- Hmm. 'Annie, can you cook like my mother? 'Do you like trains? Can you meet me today? 'Giles Smith (aged 24) 'P.S. Mummy says I must be home before 5.00 pm.'
- Oh, dear!
- Oh! I'll never get a boyfriend! Bridget always has a boyfriend.
- Has she?

- Annie, look, it's not what you write, it's… it's how you write it.
- Huh?
- I bet I could get a girlfriend on the Internet, no problem.
- Well, yes, Nick, you could!
- I bet you could not!
- I could!
- OK… What would you write?
- I'm six foot tall.
- Five foot eleven.
- I have blonde hair.
- Mousy brown.
- I love animals.
- Ha!
- And fast cars, and beautiful women.
- I would write to you!
- Would you?
- Oh, come on, Annie!
- Let's go to the gym.
- Oh, Bridget, no! Not more exercise!
- See you later, boys.
- Oh, and err, Hector, would you do my washing for me?
- Washing? OK.  No problem.
- Oh, and Nick? Will you spray my plant for me, please?
- The spray is in the bathroom.
- No problem.

- Nick?
- Uh- huh?
- What is a taxidermist?
- Oh. Well… Well, it's… Never mind.

[emails]

- Finding girlfriends on the Internet is so easy. OK, Hector! Question one. How do guys get girlfriends?
- Girlfriends?
- Yeah! Girlfriends.
- Oh! Oh, no girlfriends, me. Never.
- What? Never? No girl…no girlfriends? Wow! Man!
- You, Nick, you have had girlfriends?
- Yeah, loads!
- Ten?
- Ten? Ha! Hundreds!
- Wow!
- So I know what girls like. They like fast cars, they like money, they like dancing.
- Oh, I love dancing! Like this!
- No, dancing like this! Huh? Yeah. Hector, leave it to me. Leave it to me, my friend, I have a plan! Oh, Hector, Annie's plant. Her garden spray is in the bathroom.
- Oh.
- Ho- ho!
- Garden…gar- den… Erm… Spray, garden spray. 'Garden Romance'. Garden… good! Hmm!
- Perfect!
- Perfect! Cold, hot… very hot. Er, Nick.
- Uh- huh?
- Bridget's cold or hot?
- Ha, very hot!
- Ah. Perfect!
- Perfect, ha!
- Hector, we'll get lots of girlfriends now!
- Aha!
- From now on it'll be girls, girls, girls, girls, girls!
- Ha- ha!
- Yo!
- Ha- hey!
- Whoo! Oh, you really must change your aftershave! At-shoo! Oh, excuse me. Come on, let's go out and celebrate. 

- What's that smell?
- It smells like a perfumery. Oh, my plant!
- Oh, empty!
- Oh, my poor plant! I don't believe it!
- My perfume, I don't believe it!
- Nick!
- Oh, good, the washing's done.
- What's the problem?
- This is the problem!
- Hector!
- Wow!
- What is it now?
- We have six hundred and thirty- three messages!
- Let's see.
- OK, one moment.
- 'Hector! Nick! Yes! We are gorgeous! 'Yes! We like dancing! And yes! We like millionaires! 'Fifi and Sara.' Chloe, Sadie, Louise, Gerri… These messages are all for Hector and Nick and they're all from girls!
- I smell a rat!
- Hmm! And I think I know who is responsible! Oh, Bridget! Look at this! 'Are you a gorgeous babe? 'Do you have a gorgeous friend? 'Do you like fast cars and dancing all night? 'Do you like millionaires? 'Then you will love us -'we are Hector and Nick -the Romero brothers.'
- What?
- 'See attached photo.'
- Ha, cheats, they glued their photo on this car!
- Oh, what a joke! What, that's how they received six hundred and thirty- three messages from girls.
- But they don't know they received six hundred and thirty- three messages, do they?
- No, they don't now.
- Let's go to the cybercafé. I have a plan.

- The poor computer. How many messages? One hundred!
- Two hundred!
- Oh.
- How many?
- Er, one.
- Good.
- One hundred!
- No, no, no, just one message.
- Huh?
- Erm… 'Hector and Nick! 'We are dancers in a West End musical.'
- Dancers, you mean… Dancers?
- Yeah, sort of.
- Erm… 'When we finish the show, shall we meet at your apartment at 10pm? 'Is that OK? 'Cuddles and Bubbles, kiss, kiss, kiss. 'P.S. What is your address?' Wow! They sound gorgeous!
- Uh?
- Er… Ah! Ta- da! Cuddles and Bubbles… are coming here tonight when they finish the show… at… ten o'clock! Look, seven o'clock, eight, nine, ten o'clock! Wait a minute! It's seven o'clock!  That's just three hours! What am I going to wear? What are you going to wear?
- But Nick, what about Bridget and Annie?
- Aha!  It's not a problem!
- Ah- ha- ha! Yes!

[emails]

- So, Nick, what should I say?
- It's easy. Relax.
- Yeah, but you have had a hundred girlfriends.
- Yeah, well, when I said a hundred, it's actually fewer.
- Er… fifty?
- No.
- Forty?
- No.
- Thirty?
- No.
- Twenty?
- No.
- Ten?
- No.
- Five?
- Four?
- Three?
- Two?
- One?
- None?
- Aaaah!

- OK.
- It's OK.
- Hi -- Hi!
- Hello, it's us.
- Come on up. Ooh!
- So Nick, what do I say?
- OK, we need a script.
- Try this.
- Your eyes are blue, like the ocean.
- Your ears are blue, like the ocean.
- No! Eyes, ears, ears, eyes.
- Oh, oh, oh, OK, OK. Er… Your eyes are blue, like the ocean.
- Good!
- You smell of sweet…
- You smell of sweat…
- No! No… Sweet…not sweat!
- Oh, OK, OK.
- OK, your hair is so soft.
- Thank you, Nick.
- No! No, her hair, her hair!
- Oh, her hair!
- Oh, oh!
- OK, OK.
- Ready?
- Ready.
- Good luck!

- Oh! Cuddles and Bubbles.
- But we thought you were dancers.
- Oh, you are dancers.
- Dancing…dogs! In…Woof, The Musical. Erm, come in. Come in.
- Uh, please, sit down. Sit!
- Stick to the script. You smell so sweet.
- Your ears are… blue, like the ocean.
- Psst. Eyes, eyes!
- Oh! Eyes!
- Are you a millionaire?
- Psst, psst! Am I a millionaire?
- Ha, ha, ha. Are you a millionaire? Are you a millionaire? We are millionaires!
- Good, good. Well, you can pay for these, then! If you please! Ha, ha, ha. Your faces! We are the dancers.
- From the cybercafé!
- So you are millionaires, eh?
- Oh, what a trick to get girlfriends! Millionaires, very funny!
- With fast cars!
- Good trick, eh?
- But that is my car!
- You smell so sweet!
- And you do have beautiful eyes! Or is it ears?

- It's the landlady!
- I'm off!
- Quick! Hide, Hector! Erm, er… In the bedroom!
- Er, Bridget?
- Yes.
- Tell me. What is a taxidermist?
- Oh!

Next time in Extra… Hector wants to get a job. Bridget and Annie have a surprise. And guess who's coming to dinner.

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